Well what does that mean?

It is moments like these where I feel strangest. When I have a million things to do, a million things that hang in the balance, that if I fail at even one of them my life will be ruined forever. Here, I feel like giving up. Like throwing the towel in, kicking the bucket, going to sleep. However you want to interpret that is up to you. I hate school. I guess I never realized just how much I hate it, despise it. I hate the people, the process, the machine it makes me. I was never/will never be the efficient machine it wants me to be. I hate my life. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it. I am so tired of doing the same God damn thing every day in the hopes that it may some day get better. But I only grow more tired, more ugly, more strange every day. Less of anything that can become anything that can do anything that can be anything. It is in this moment that I need to put aside these feelings and study for these exams, otherwise I will give up like I always do and give in to sweet sleep, cause it doesn't matter how much I study anyway. I cannot do this this time. I just can't. I will fail if I give in. If I think about it to much. But it is starting. I don't know what to do. It will never change, it is how it has always been (will be). So what do I do what do I do? Will it ever get better? Or will I play this part forever? I don't know why. I won't sleep tonight, but that means when I take my exam tomorrow I will have a nervous breakdown in the middle of it from lack of sleep/ reading the same question over and over and over again like I always do. I'll still mess up, make the same mistakes, over and over again. Take test, fail, rinse, repeat. So self destructive, non productive, wasteful. Back to studying, if that makes any sense. It will be okay, just a moment of weakness. I'll either continue studying, or give in to go to sleep cause it won't matter anyway. Either way, nothing new.