For my eyes only.

What a horrible day, week, month. Going home to stay with my family is the very definition of bittersweet.
Right now, I feel so very tired. Weak and heavy. I don't feel much emotion wise. Just the same heavy weight in my stomach, a pain in my neck and head, and a deep sense of dread.

Too many cats, too many people, too much fighting. Too much of me being wrong all of the time and hateful and bitchy, apparently. I feel so isolated here. I just want to scream and throw the chairs through the glass table and then run off. I did this I didn't do that, don't you know what you did? You did it. You always do it. You are always wrong wrong wrong.


Damn, I haven't written anything really over the break because I knew it would be dark and dreary dreary dreary. And no one wants to hear me complain. But it hurts so much. And everyone else has someone to run to to complain about me to.

I go to work in a few hours. That has been what my days here are about. Waiting to go to work.

What to do what to do what to do.

My dad is not a father. He is a frat boy. They type I avoid because they are so fucking annoying. He whistles and sings stupid songs in a stupid fake voice and goes "Huh?" really loud because he knows it pisses me off and makes me want to rip my hair out. And when I do show it is driving me nuts he gets all screwy eyed and asks what MY problem is. I hate him so much.